Imagine that you run into an acquaintance, a coworker perhaps, and they ask you for a dollar to use on the vending machine. Imagine also, that you were just about to use that dollar to get a snack for yourself. How likely are you to lend the dollar? Not very likely, especially if it is just an acquaintance that you haven’t had much interaction with.
Now imagine this, your acquaintance once again seeks you out for a dollar. But, just last week this same person let you borrow a dollar, now how likely are you to comply? Likely, very likely, extremely likely? What is it that compels us to comply, to ‘return a favor’ or do something nice for someone who we may or may not even know on a personal level.
That, is reciprocity, which is when we feel compelled, and do, provide benefits to those who have previously benefited us. Those few times that we don’t give in to reciprocity are when we experience what is known as cognitive dissonance.
Where is reciprocity occurring?
To help answer this question I’ll provide you with a real life example that happened to me this past weekend. I was at a restaurant with some friends, our waitress had been generally friendly, seemingly going out of her way to make sure we enjoyed our time there, and just being an above average waitress in general.
When she handed us each our bill we all noticed that she had drawn each of us a personal emoticon (smiley face). My friend who opened his bill first immediately exclaimed that he would be leaving a larger tip than he intended, just because of the smiley face. While I agreed with him it also made me think about reciprocity, and how powerful it can be.
Setting all other psychological and environmental factors aside this is a prime example of how doing something nice for someone can have a surprisingly good payoff whether expected or not. Between the three of us, she must have pocketed twenty dollars in tip, compared to the seven to ten dollars she would have totaled had she not drawn the smiley faces.
Advanced forms of reciprocity:
Ever heard of the ‘foot in the door technique’ chances are you have, and it conjures up images of vacuum salesmen trying to convince stay at home moms to listen to their sales pitch and maybe buy that new vacuum they’ve needed.
Foot In The Door Technique, is officially defined as a method of compliance in which you ask for something small first, and after getting the person to comply, follow up with requests that gradually increase in size.
In order to make this even more effective you tailor your first request to something that just about everyone agrees to, out of habit or impulse. Something such as, “hey do you have the time,” everyone agrees to that. You then follow that request up with what you really want, which leaves you at a much better chance of getting it than if you asked for what you really want straight off the bat.
Foot in the door isn’t the only technique, there’s also its twin the Door in the face technique. What this technique boils down to is asking for something large followed by something smaller, which is what you truly want. The psychology behind this is that the person being acted upon, will begin to feel as if the person asking has compromised with them.
That belief that a compromise has just occurred makes the ‘target’ much more likely to comply and give the person asking what they want. A life example of this would be negotiating the price of something, such as a car you are privately selling. Let’s say you think the car is only worth five thousand, but you really want to get six thousand out of the deal.
So you set the sticker price at seven or eight thousand fully expecting prospective buyers to negotiate the price lower. You and the person meet up, you say, “seven thousand,” the person says, “I’ll buy it for five thousand five hundred.” You then proceed to hesitate, act as if you’re considering and contemplating, and express that you would really like to sell for seven. Finally you say, “ok ok, I’ll give it to you for six thousand right now.”
The buyer agrees and the car is sold. Within that last bit of dialogue are actually three different psychological phenomenons. “Ok, ok” gives the buyer the sense that you are compromising by selling the car for less than you actually want. Getting the buyer to think you are compromising makes them see you as a much more agreeable person.
“I’ll give it to you,” this creates a sense of indebtedness on the buyer’s part. In this context saying I’ll give it to you, reinforces the belief that you are compromising and doing something that is in the buyers interest. It also shifts the focus from what type of deal is occurring, instead of the buyer thinking they are making a large purchase they now begin to feel as if they are being given something, which creates the need for reciprocity.
“Right now,” this particular phrasing comes in many shapes and sizes and is used by advertisers and salesmen everywhere. Saying, “right now,” creates an immediate sense of urgency that wasn’t there before. Coupled with the belief of compromising and indebtedness you immediately corner the buyer making them feel as if this is a deal that won’t recur. Also if the buyer needs the car, and can’t afford to purchase one from a dealership then you suddenly have that more of an advantage in your negotiating power.
These are just a few of the many factors that go into successful persuasion. Becoming more aware of these factors will allow you to be a smarter buyer and better negotiator. These skills can also be applied to other aspects of life, such as reaching a compromise in a fight with your significant other or spouse, or getting your child to behave.
Mr. B's Practical Psychology 